Challenges

Without David, and with one teacher less than planned for, the day started a bit disorganised. Libby got a bit upset, which luckily didn't affect the quality of her hands while giving me a turn. Using AT, she regained her calm, and prevented getting overwhelmed by the challenge to improvise the daily program.

During the presentation of Frank Pierce Jones research I had the opportunity to stay directed, although I wanted to react a lot to one students disruptive behaviour during the start of my part. I slowed down, refocused on my notes, yet had no idea about my use for the rest of my presentation.

However, when Martin asked me about my plans after graduation, I noticed how much this topic can discoordinate myself. Applying the technique to my tendency to get the blues has changed me, yet it's hard to call this an improvement. I noticed how much effort it takes to ignore depressive episodes, and how well established the neural pathways to pull me down are. From the perspective of 'befriending myself' this is valuable, yet not pleasant information. Developing a sense of self-worth in a life situation where I'm not 'worthy' enough to stay in the country of my liking, challenges me maybe above my capacity.

If anything, I learned that not putting hands on today made it tougher to stay directed. I recognise more triggers of my habits, yet I'm rather craving for more 'uptime' than material to analyse.