Change in routine

David informed me via email that I had to go to the Body-Mind Centre instead of the school in Fitzroy, so I took the opportunity for an adrenaline-laden unicycle ride to the CBD. Although I walked most of the last part, Jenny noticed at the start of my turn that my legs were still pedalling. It seems like quite a habit to pull myself down in a lot of interactions, especially in talking. It's still difficult to remind myself of the directions before acting, and feels a bit odd. Nevertheless, I manage much better my habitual response to 'feeling wrong', and allowing myself to integrate certain levels of discomfort without actively ignoring them.

I noticed as well that my hands work more in a 'teaching' way, yet only while I take of myself to a decent degree. I got more patient with myself, and when no movement happens, I rather renew my directions and explicitly release arms and shoulders a bit more. I worked a lot with Stephen today. It was great to experiment a lot, both of us knowing to expect little and helping each other to stay present.

We discussed the chapter of CCCI in which FM describes the procedure to put hands on the back of the chair, perfectly suited to go through this as practical part of our group work. One of the pseudo-hinges along my spine became very discomforted during the process. I wonder whether I was trying too hard, or activated some underused part of muscles around and of the trapezius. It seems to be the part from which I pull my shoulders in place, and potentially bend the spine back (or even to one side) at the same time.

While during some earlier table turns 'non-local' effects (release happening far away from a teacher's hands) provided me with a rather distracting stimulus, I integrate more of the whole body into this kind of sensations now. While Sharon gave me a turn, I noticed a lot of up coming from my feet. Her hands prevented me from pulling down to 'feel out' what was happening, instead I stayed with the nice sensation in my legs and Sharons hands on my head. My limbs can still connect a bit better into this awareness. At least I know now much better what I'm doing with parts of my body, without 'sinking' into them at the same time.

I'd still call my whole-body-image quite hazy, yet it is definitely less fragmented and gets more familiar. I got now a better idea when I'm grounded. I'm sure some experiences on the unicycle had a 'skyhooked' quality. The next step will be to become more centered / aware of my center, connecting heaven and earth. Or so.