Change in routine

David informed me via email that I had to go to the Body-Mind Centre instead of the school in Fitzroy, so I took the opportunity for an adrenaline-laden unicycle ride to the CBD. Although I walked most of the last part, Jenny noticed at the start of my turn that my legs were still pedalling. It seems like quite a habit to pull myself down in a lot of interactions, especially in talking. It's still difficult to remind myself of the directions before acting, and feels a bit odd. Nevertheless, I manage much better my habitual response to 'feeling wrong', and allowing myself to integrate certain levels of discomfort without actively ignoring them.

I noticed as well that my hands work more in a 'teaching' way, yet only while I take of myself to a decent degree. I got more patient with myself, and when no movement happens, I rather renew my directions and explicitly release arms and shoulders a bit more. I worked a lot with Stephen today. It was great to experiment a lot, both of us knowing to expect little and helping each other to stay present.

We discussed the chapter of CCCI in which FM describes the procedure to put hands on the back of the chair, perfectly suited to go through this as practical part of our group work. One of the pseudo-hinges along my spine became very discomforted during the process. I wonder whether I was trying too hard, or activated some underused part of muscles around and of the trapezius. It seems to be the part from which I pull my shoulders in place, and potentially bend the spine back (or even to one side) at the same time.

While during some earlier table turns 'non-local' effects (release happening far away from a teacher's hands) provided me with a rather distracting stimulus, I integrate more of the whole body into this kind of sensations now. While Sharon gave me a turn, I noticed a lot of up coming from my feet. Her hands prevented me from pulling down to 'feel out' what was happening, instead I stayed with the nice sensation in my legs and Sharons hands on my head. My limbs can still connect a bit better into this awareness. At least I know now much better what I'm doing with parts of my body, without 'sinking' into them at the same time.

I'd still call my whole-body-image quite hazy, yet it is definitely less fragmented and gets more familiar. I got now a better idea when I'm grounded. I'm sure some experiences on the unicycle had a 'skyhooked' quality. The next step will be to become more centered / aware of my center, connecting heaven and earth. Or so.

An interesting week

After an exciting and exhausting week fridays offer less stimuli and a more intimate atmosphere. Libby did all the turns and the group work. She spend quite some time talking me through the directions. I'm working again to get rid of my sensory amnesia, which might make me forget my directions.

We didn't do any debriefing for Vivien Mackie's visit in the school yet, most likely because Vivien will stay a bit longer in school. Like always, the performance session turned out to be entertaining and enlightening, and I'm glad that I got up to perform.

Libby went with us through some essential body mapping, with the idea of a plumb line from the A-O joint though shoulder, hips, knees, ankles (or rather, symmetrically around this line). Feeling the curvature of the spine on each other offered a great opportunity to explore the uniqueness and differences of the human body.

It seemed like all of us enjoyed the task of talking each other through semi-supine. We had quite different approaches. Sharon and I focused on the 'wholeness' of semi-supine, renewing directions several times before lying down, and exploring movement (a bit like dart procedures). Ana, Carsten and Stephen focused more on imagery to help release of tension.

The end of the week

Only me had a turn with David, and he brought me up after thinking too much about yesterday's conflict. Stephen had an attempt to talk about this beforehand, and managed to turn this talk into something more productive after school.

Then David asked me for a talk, and unsurprisingly mentioned the lack of inhibition during the performance session. I hope I will notice this unproductive behaviour pattern earlier next time, David suggested that I could simply leave when I don't manage to inhibit.

I stayed pretty calm during the group work, where Matt experimented with two and three dimensional thinking. After a short warm-up, we revisited taking an arm during table work, while engaging spatial thinking. Of course, doing this for the first time didn't yield spectacular results, yet I realised how 'flat' I conceptualised the skin contact. The tendency to overuse my shoulder diminished a bit, and I manage better to stay present and more in my body.

Off the rail

I spend quite some time observing the strange loops I happily enter in certain situations. After all, that didn't work too well for me, and I arrived in a bit of a mental chaos at school. The turn with Marigold worked well to get me back in my body, like contact juggling after the turn.

The group work with Marigold had some strange turn to it. Stephen asked me whether I worked with Marigold putting our hands together, and appreciated using a wall for this exercise instead of continuing to work with me.

Luckily we did a bit of yoga to finish the day off. I'm quite glad that some of my habits and attitudes towards yoga have changed, and how I much I used tension as indicator of 'doing the asanas right'. Doing less becomes finally a bit easier.

Last day

Matt took care of turns and teaching, as only Sharon, Stephen, Rossi, Ana and me came to school. I had a table turn with Matt, and noticed how I lost my directions often when talking. Sharon and I worked on monkeys, with some amazing results. With my hands on the back of the chair, I managed to straighten out my thoracic spine, and Sharon mentioned that I got taller in the process.

We explored then the relation between eye and head movement. I got aware of the different approaches to moving/turning right and left, and that I haven't done any vision work lately.

Anatomy

I had my turn with Duncan today, and we did some chair work. He still seems to try to impose his idea of challenging me, yet no conflict arose. I volunteered happily to get some table work from Anne, with really good results. I felt my shoulders and hips slowly melting softer while she had her hands on, a really pleasant experience.

I enjoyed Ann's anatomy sessions thoroughly, her relaxed yet knowledgeable style suits me well. I explored movement of the scapula with Ana, our new Brasilian student, and the movement of the prime movers together with Steven. Experiencing the involvement of large parts of the torso in any arm movements revealed some of my funny ideas about arms, and will help me integrating my limbs better.

Biking

I need to learn to trust the body mechanics again. During my turn with Bronwyn I managed to walk in a natural way, falling forward and letting my legs swing to keep me going. I like working with her a lot, following the directions for specific parts of the body, although I'm still tempted to "feel it out" occasionally. The idea of directing my tail to keep my back back help a lot.

The group work was a lot about observation, as my bike still needs fixing and we watched how Ineke, Simon and Stephen rode their bikes. Having more 600 muscles means plenty of opportunity to use more than required, and identifying misuse helps giving a student information how to direct and what to inhibit.

In Jenny's group we put our hands on the back of a chair, and even without the strong stimulus of a human body it challenged me a lot. I embarked on a long journey, and have to inhibit the temptation to try hard. Continuos practice, without to much care about the result, will improve the sensitivity to a usable state.