Monday, September 6

Sanity and dis-ease, Part 2

Simple acts can become insurmountable obstacles when the down habit visits me. Even writing about it surprises me, as I got distracted from the perspective I planned to take for part of sanity and disease. While I have yet to consider whether describing my down habit manages to attenuate it or rather reinforces it, I'll take a step back for a bigger picture.

The distinction between 'mental' and 'physical' health doesn't help overall sanity much. The link between lifestyle and 'physical' ailments has been thoroughly researched, and physical therapies often accompany the treatment of 'mental' diseases. 'Mental' health still carries a stigma with it, Australia seems to train much less 'mental' health professionals than needed to deal with depression, suicide, mass trauma after bushfires, PTSD in returning soldiers and victims of abuse. During immigration you have to report on 'mental illnesses' of yourself and your family, and in one case the DOI wanted to withdraw the visit of doctors because his son has Down syndrome.

Modern psychology does not use any model of sanity, instead diagnoses according to a list of subjectively perceived symptoms. After re-discovering Alexander's set of skills, guided by many helping hands, I trust my instinct to dismiss any approach based on the faithful assumption of Descarte's error.

Commonly used language to name mental diseases sounds rather foul: retarded, stupid, crazy, imbecile.... as if it was more intelligent to override postural mechanisms so persistently to suffer from 'physical' pain. In either case, habits have shaped the entire structure, and the dis-ease of the organism restricts its functionality. If our minds had control over the self, it would simply take a decision to change behaviour.

The embodied memory of unprocessed emotional events remains, with our minds as reactive force to patterns of kinesthetic and chemical stimuli. Once these patterns are released, some narrative explaining the history of this restriction might emerge. Our memory, however, offers less precision than most people assume, and therefore doesn't suit well as tool to change behaviour.

It seems like my journey into the present needs some future involvement of releasing embodied patterns of the past.



Thursday, September 2

Sanity and dis-ease

Jane, who works in a community centre with 'mentally' ill people, gave a series of presentations about the state of art in dealing with this spectrum of dis-ease. At the beginning of the presentation I asked her about modalities that approach 'mental illness' from a holistic perspective, yet my question remains unanswered.

With a lifetime prevalence of 20% depression describes a collection of symptoms that affects or will affect at least four people in the room Jane held her presentation. I remember from my psychology lectures that a success rate of 30% suffices to claim it's worth applying a given therapeutic concept, and I still feel highly confused that electro-convulsive therapy is practiced in the 21st century.

Categorising depression as disease of the mind neglects some very tangible aspects of this phenomenon. The list of symptoms describes mainly subjectively perceived internal states and leaves the structural hallmarks out. An experienced and empathic therapeut most likely uses this snapshot information (of overall posture and movement) for his diagnosis, which fosters the healing process probably more than the methods in the arsenal of modern psychology.

So I followed Alexander's footsteps by ignoring conventional 'wisdom' and explored the 'down' habit in my life. Revisiting episodes from my personal history made me aware that I carry the blues in me already for a long time. And a part of myself certainly accepted this pattern and arranged life situations to 'cure' this condition, maybe even different parts simultaneously with differing choices.

Once I realised that I attempted a variety of strategies as remedy, I could start comparing the efficiency and side effects of my until lately unconscious self cure approaches. Meaningful activity attenuates the sensitivity of the emotional triggers that start the depression train. My desire for interactive activity, however, clashes with the automatic response to certain arousal states.

I lack self-esteem almost entirely when the blues plays, and when I started observing this habit as habit, understanding the pattern in it, I beat myself up even more. My rational faculty can tell me as often as it wants that I neither desire or deserve these highly unproductive downtimes, a cognitive re-appraisal of my situation does hardly release any pattern of habitual tension.

The description Begley and Schwartz gave about one of their OCD patients resonated with me a lot. The down habit of mine acts rather like a vortex than like a simple loop, a highly complex neuro-physiological algorithm with multiple entry points. My sensory amnesia makes progress towards more uptime challenging. Mindfulness only slowly weakens the patterns of the down habit, a part of my whole self demands more attention than available for a healthy balance.

Physical activity like increasing my unicycling and juggling skills, or building sculptures helps at the moment to accept the embodied pattern that interferes with my movement. But how do I transform this debilitating vortex of disconnection?