Friday, February 29

Leading

I still work on understanding more of the emotional component of our work, yet not overly active. While working with Matt, I noticed a lot of release in areas far away from the point of contact, the idea of the possibility of communicating nervous systems makes the experience easier.

Matt stressed the importance of trust, and we played with directing each other through the room. Leaving the hand of the director felt a bit like unplugging, although the sense of the connection felt much more subtle. Jose could lead me easily and even tough i touched the gym ball I felt safe. I had difficulties leading Bo, he left my hand a lot and we could not very efficiently communicate.

Cal followed easily directions, even going backwards went like a charm. While I received directions, I could notice the space behind me, a thought that opens me up a lot. I just tried to stay aware of the space behind me while trying to unicycle, and it made a great difference. By ordering my activity I can focus my awareness to my intent, instead of letting the mind control the body. The mind keeps busy with the outside world, even more so as we cannot see to the back.

My temptation to go out to a larger space with the unicycle grows. Do I start to gain ends here? However, I get the idea that "ordering" means laying out an order of events, which then do their job in the background, as means to the intent of that activity.

Learning to unicycle provides plenty of opportunity for observing, inhibiting and directing. Currently I tend to internalise while ordering myself. The eyes, as part of the balance system, need awareness and focus, visual points of reference guide our bodies in motion. The less I think about the unicycle, the more I understand it.

Thursday, February 28

Old pattern

During my turn with Jenny we worked on the activities sitting and standing. I still do some (useless) things to satisfy my concept of standing, instead of keeping my directions in activity. This reminds me of Duncan's comment about difficult (or hard) things while talked about the limits of attention. We have to deal with a high level of stimuli. Each stimulus potentially triggers a response, yet not like behaviourists assume, a definite and predictable one, more like an avalanche.

We notice the result of the avalanche as holding pattern, we might not know the path it took or which other avalanches might have triggered this one. Undoing one part of wrong doing often fits into a larger pattern of the same misconception, and some parts might resist undoing longer than other. Like with any other field of interest, more time spend in observation enables appreciation and awareness of detail.

The separation and mind and body, Descartes error, exists only as meme. Learning how efficiently the nervous systems uses the body helps undoing useless modes of thinking. The experience of mind-body unity and of the connection of two nervous systems challenges quite some scientific believes.

Introspection opens the gate to consciousness. Consciousness can then connect and communicate. So much for the idea, as I did not connect too well today. My emotional system sends irritating signals, the next system that needs further introspection and understanding.

Group work consisted of further observation of saying ah while lying done. Different breathing and holding pattern emerged. The performance showed an interesting dynamic. Obviously, not only me feels uncomfortable with the idea to sing in front of the others. I have to find out whether stating the obvious helped or harmed.

Wednesday, February 27

Riding

Today I had my turn with David, who helped me finding yet another pattern in my misconception of standing. I tend to push from my sternum, which brings neck and head out of alignment. While working with Kaz on the table a lot of release in the front of my body and hips happened, just when Kaz was doubting that anything would happen.

In the group work with Marigold we looked at riding. By spiraling around our thighs Marigold helped us releasing the legs, so that instead of sitting like on a chair, the legs could simply hang from the hip joints. The balance initiated just from head, neck and back. What felt like a anterior release turned out as posterior release of those muscles pulling the bum together and the pelvis back.

Tuesday, February 26

Conscious control

I had a relaxed turn with Libby, with talking shoulders and gripping feet. I played a lot with the wobble board, still impressed by Rachel's amazing presence. The reading session went a bit funny when I aired my objection towards the fight-flight reflex, yet even funnier when it came to the idea of buddying up.

We prepared some ad hoc speeches in Libby's group to introduce AT, I need to find a place to expand some of similarities between computing and conscious control.

Monday, February 25

Talking shoulders

Today I had a turn with Emma, who graduated in our school a year ago. I chose to do table work, which gave some good insight about the work my shoulders do when I prepare to speak. Not only while speaking I pulled the arm into the shoulder, even while thinking about speaking I could feel the muscles moving, or least preparing to move. While on the table, I guessed that this pattern might originate from the school times, when I had to raise my arm to answer questions - and as the clever and ambitious kid I impersonated in school I used to put a lot of vigor in it.

"Education is dissassociation", and this my case the urge or the preparation to speak involves shoulder work. Now, while reflecting on the situation I can observe the activation of my shoulders as a preparation to speak. The impulse seems lesser when formulating speech in my mind, I could try to speak in a chorus - my inner voice prompting my audible voice.

Rachel Zahn spend another three hours with us, and this time I took notes. As I didn't find Bucky Fuller's three questions on the web, I could happily jot them down:
1) Where is nothing being done?
2) Where are resources passing each other unnoticed?
3) Where are known resources being wasted?

Rachel stressed again the importance to communicate abundandly and efficiently outside the Alexander world, to get more (scientific) recognition and exchange, and open new areas to find students. Only time can tell, whether we can rearrange the educational system, which currently suffers from an "architecture of madness", but I feel challenged to work on bridging the Alexander world to the rest of this lovely planet.

Rachel described the learning process of AT as a removal of filters, which enable a different kind of perception. When she first put hands, she felt some other life in her hands, a connection of nervous systems. The fields radiating from chemical and electrical processes in the body might explain the transmission mechanism for this process. I could nearly feel into her memories of that moment, that she called almost spiritual.

Yet far from appearing like sanctifying herself, she smiled about her former (faulty) conception, having removed that filter on her way, and understanding more about the obstacles that many students, including herself, encounter. Undoing liberates from restrictive patterns, which have physical, mental, emotional and spiritual dimensions. (The AT lacks a concept of spirituality, and I might misconceive the latter part. )

Friday, February 22

A glimpse of the future

"I'd rather have my brain using my mind, than my mind using my brain."
We had no school today, instead, we attended a presentation by Rachel Zahn. She introduced first the concept of rapid learning, which demands a break each 20 minutes of two to five minutes to refresh the brain.

During the first break, everyone participated in the suggested exercise, which consisted of choosing a point a reference, closing the eyes and counting up to four breath out cycles. The next breaks ended in chatter and running around, which meant we skipped a lot of breaks, while skipping over some parts of the presentation.

Rachel talked about the approach to bring some scientific backup to the Alexander Technique, especially from the areas of neuroscience and philosophy. Unfortunately, I did not take notes, but might have a chance to ask about Buckminster Fuller's three questions on monday.

Alexander's (and John Dewey's) idea to use the technique for education becomes more tangible, and ideas of David Chalmers, Varela and others provide a link between the work and science. I just jotted down some of the names that I heard tonight, and will have to do some research about their concepts soon.

Thursday, February 21

Singing

The idea of singing on this performance day made me a bit apprehensive. Although I felt quite good and thought to have understood the idea of releasing into the teachers hands yesterday, I was relatively stiff when I had my turn with Jenny.

It took me until the performance session, which started around 12 to notice that a lot of today's holding came from this apprehension to perform in public, and although our group had only four members (Tristan, Jose, Rossi and me), I felt really nervous.

Jenny managed to free me up a lot before I even started. I directed myself as good as I could, but still in my breath overly in preparation for my performance. Like Jose, I pulled my head back and stiffened my legs, and now I still feel a bit sore on the outside of the top of the femur, where I pulled my legs together.

But after I got into singing, while Jenny worked with me, I could let go of the tension and surprised myself with the sounds that appeared. I wonder whether I should keep with Hans Albers for the performance, or rather choose another song. However, I learned much more by trying to sing than by reciting. It nails down to a pattern of nervousness due to standing in front of others and perform, another good bit to work on.

Wednesday, February 20

Antigravity

Another day with two turns, yet with less revelations than yesterday. The first turn was with Duncan, and therefor more on the verbal side of things, which sometimes overstimulates me a bit. Nevertheless, this gives me the opportunity to exercise using directions as a background process, and I learned a bit more of the relation between my knees and back.

I worked with Ferry for the first time, and had to adjust to his firm hands. I plunged into the chair when I sat down, as I didn't use my hip joints properly, while he directed me by putting hands around my neck. When Libby started working on him while he worked on me it felt much lighter, and I responded much better to a more gentle approach. However, I could collect useful information while doing it "wrong", especially about releasing with verbal suggestion, which worked very well to increase the mobility of my arms.

We came back to ordering and directing in the group work with Libby. We started observing each other undirected, and I happily plunged and collapsed into the chair. The most amazing change happened (with me) when we tried to keep the directions during the movement. A simple "neck free" allowed me an easy getting in and out of the chair, and the other group members (and me) noticed some drastic difference between directed and unconscious movement.

The anatomy session with Anne covered unfamiliar territory, and I liked especially the idea of the antigravity reflex that can kick in once the neck is released. I went into a bit of disagreement about the kind of nerves for muscular control - I brought up intramuscular nerves in addition to those connected in a spinal reflex cycle and those ending in cortical motor area. I better research whether those exist (or not, as David and Anne insisted), as well as the concept of the antigravity reflex (or positive support reaction).

Tuesday, February 19

Revelations

I had the pleasure of doing two turns today, I just have no idea why. The turn with Libby happened nearly like a private lesson. We went to the back room to get in and out of the chair, and I worked to eradicate my funny concept of standing. I still consider it more of a pose than an activity, which stiffens me a lot. Nevertheless, staying aware of my weight traveling through my joints into my feet can replace the idea of standing, although it's hard to inhibit the habitual thought.

I just had time for a bit of semi-supine when I had my turn with Bronwyn, still excited about something new to play with. And after I learned more about my idea of standing, she revealed to me a very comfortable position to sit in. She asked me to sit deep in the chair, sitting bones nearly at the back, so that the back of the chair could support my back slightly. It felt even more comfortable than the position of mechanical advantage, probably because we used an Alexander chair.

The reading for this week dealt with directing and ordering, a differentiation that most Alexander teachers understand idiosyncratic. However, Libby encouraged us to find our wording (and range) of directions - no golden bullet for directing oneself exists, as students differ the teacher have to find the best approach always individually.

Monday, February 18

Reverse monkey

My day started with a slight hangover, a bit of a cold, tense muscles spiced up with some self-pityness. I fostered this combination while in semi-supine before I had a turn with Jenny. Although I didn't anticipate my situation to get better, the turn brought me back into a more balanced state. As soon as I stopped trying hard, and feeling bad about the misuse during the weekend, release happened and got me more aware again.

As only half of the students came in today, I had a second turn with Ria, exploring the range of motion of my arms. The yoga session felt intense, although I already forgot how we started it. Doing the dog again drained a lot of energy, yet doing it properly brought some good stretching. We ended the yoga session with a reverse monkey, walking up the wall while supporting the body weight with the hands.

I slowly begin to understand the monkey now, and it certainly works better with intention than micromanaged on joint level. The final group session lasted only half an hour, and while waiting for the Pilates session with Heidi I tried to teach juggling to Ria and Rossi.

The pilates exercises challenged me a lot, although we did them in a slow pace. We started with raising awareness for our breathing, as most exercises synchronise breathing and movement. As all of us lack core strength, Heidi chose exercises involving the pelvic floor. Pilates challenges me more than expected, yet I like it. I will try to find some description on the web of what we did to do a little homework.

Friday, February 15

Kung Fu

Duncan came in today to work with the students, and we working on my horse stance and my punches. I hesitated to work on this, as I thought that without knowing Wing Chun correcting anything would not work, but Duncan proved me wrong. After two years I still lean back in the horse stance, which affects my punching as well. I got pretty much used to a specific stress pattern in my legs, and just by moving the hips a bit more back I get can upright in my stance. And instead of allowing the elbow to go straight up to finish a punch, I wanted to extend from my shoulder.

I felt overstimulated during the group work, as Duncan explained a lot, which made focusing on my proprioception more difficult than usual. The simple of act of directing myself out of chair after leaning back allowed for some variations full of effort. I got more tired this week than before, although I'm still progressing, at least I think so.

Thursday, February 14

Now

I go the school early enough to have the first turn, but I haven't arrived as first one yet. Maria does her usually her semi supine when I arrive, and as both us had a turn with Vivien Mackay, I got the second turn this time. I liked watching her working, yet working with her really stunned me. Her hands fluidly sensed my back, and it felt most of the time more than stroking than directing, a very pleasant sensation. The amount of release we accomplished made me incredibly light, and the softness of her touch allowed me a lot of ease.

In the group work she told us about the power of the right moment, which occurs when student and teacher connect their intention and move as one. Maria worked with me, assisted by Jenny, who compared the right moment with catching a wave. And indeed, once you missed a wave, you have to start over again, and take the next one. As much as teacher can sense the student holding, I could feel Maria's apprehension sometimes during the group work. By synchronising intention, flow can happen. Once the right moment to move has come, this flows needs to continue, otherwise tensions on either side might interfere with the freedom of movement.

While having some biscuits and sparkly to celebrate Vivien's birthday I had a chance to talk some German again. Daniella's parents migrated to Australia shortly after her birth, and her German had an interesting mix of influences. The combination of an elating session with Vivien and some sparkly made me a bit tipsy, and I carried this cheerful mood into the performance. As I didn't dare as yet to sing, I enjoyed watching the way Vivien worked, and the change brought to Jose's singing.

Vivien's explanation that singing needs more not-doing than doing the right thing convinced me to give it go next time, singing the old Hans Albers "Auf der Reeeperbahn nachts um halb eins".

Wednesday, February 13

Twisted

I try my best to start school on time, which usually means that I have my turn in the first round, this time again with Jeremy. It went wilder than usual, as Jeremy twisted me around, leading me into some awkward positions. Doing this prevented me easily from anticipating his moves, and felt more like remote control.

I observed some sore sensation around the teres muscles, which might indicate an release in this area (or overuse during yesterdays Wing Chun session). The scapula can move a bit more around, something that I notice usually after some minutes of semi-supine.

The turn helped me in identifying the moving parts during walking, the slight rotation of the lumbar region, counteracted by swinging the contralateral arm, and slightly turning the head ipsilateral to the moving leg. Knowing which parts move where didn't lead straight away to a more natural gait, Jenny's directions to keep the thoracic region above the hip, keeping the hip as part of the back back worked a bit better.

As the lower part of the body feels a bit disconnected, I still start walking with my hips leading. We looked with David in the group closer at walking, and the relation of ankles, knees and hips. I noticed some subtle head movement while just thinking about moving the legs, and the temptation to regain the familiar feel of walking by throwing the shoulders back and shifting the hips forward. Straight walking feels at the moment a lot like falling, so I better focus on my directions while walking and ignore the faulty sensory appreciation for a while.

The anatomy session dealt with the scientific terms for directions and joint types. Jeremy played little games to deepen our understanding and use of this terms, which made the session really enjoyable. I realised that my idea of the location of the heart had nothing to do with its actual position... luckily we don't need to direct our hearts.

Tuesday, February 12

Inhibition

I had a turn with David again, doing the old sitting in a chair routine. I realise that the feeling of locked knees belongs in my habits to the idea of standing. Today's reading dealt with inhibition, and we extended the topic in the group sessions. Jenny tried her best to explain the difference between inhibition (in AT understanding) and withholding consent. I'd better reread the chapter for today to get my head a bit better around this.

I still struggle trying to do the right thing instead of more not-doing, end-gaining remains a temptation. I use the low ceiling in the basement to check my height every now and then, currently just my chin is lower than the ceiling on the last step.

Luckily I did my anatomy homework already yesterday, it took me more than an hour. My progress definitely depends on my efforts, which I might increase in a non endgaining way.

Yoga and Pilates

The third week started, and no repetition happened so far. I had my turn with Lailani, and learned about the subtle movement of the legs while sitting down and getting up. We delved deeper into this exploration at the group work, which offered plenty food for thought.

Maria had a short go to work with me, but I wasn't used as much as exploration object as I wanted to. However, after most 2nd and 3rd years had their go on Bo, our largest guy, David asked me to follow him sitting down. Although my fingers aren't too sensitive yet, I enjoyed the challenge to keep myself coordinated while having hands on.

Using my hands to direct others is a real challenge, as the teacher has to be more coordinated than the student. Without sufficient release I lack the sensibility to know what's happening with a potential student. I'm encountering now the difficulty to apply heaps of directions simulantenously, directing myself still takes some effort.

We started the Pilates session after school, with an assessment of strength and range of mobility. Initially I was happy to have the best scores, I grew even more happy when I found out about some of my weaknesses. I'm looking forward to the next sessions.

Friday, February 8

Hands on

Having just six people on Fridays feels good, especially as half of us went swimming together yesterday. Matt came into the school for teaching, and I had my turn with him. We did the sitting on a chair routine. I realise that I lost "contact to the ground" with my legs. Bracing them prevents me feeling the upward direction from the ground.

The effect of releasing my hip joints in the water continued until today. I get more a sense of the additive character of directions, although the three primary keep me already occupied. Today even Rossi and I started putting our hands on.

I understand the importance of the teacher's coordination better now. When I had my hands on Cal's head, she could sense the release of my neck through my hands. My sensitivity certainly has to increase, which most likely happen as a side effect of maintaining coordination.

Thursday, February 7

Swimming

I can't really say that the course so far fosters building of new habits in regards to a school day. Although everything we did relates to the work, each day held new surprises, which helps to keep the mind flexible and open.

We went to Penny McDonald's place to do some swimming. Or rather not doing swimming. Penny worked with me while I floated in the pool, which allowed very precise sensation of the hip joint. My neck felt a bit stiff during the turn, however, being in the water allows a different form of information gathering.

Bo displayed an amazing mobility in the water, his head moved with ease while his body followed snake like the directions of Will and Penny.

I really enjoyed gliding effortless through the water, and my relation to water and swimming relaxed a lot. Experimenting with new and familiar activities turns into pleasurable data collection sessions, so I'm looking forward to the pilates session next week.

Wednesday, February 6

Activities

I had my turn for the first time with Anne, and it yielded some interesting results. She made aware about my tendency to anticipating the teacher's move, and her hands were sufficiently sensitive to make me feel the difference between availability and helping the teacher. I felt as well a connection from my feet up to my head - well, just with a released neck, of course.

I juggled as activity, and managed some noticeable ease, after releasing hips, knees and ankles. Duncan's idea to consider when an activity starts (does it start with the throwing of the first balls, putting the arms in front of the body or by picking up the balls?) helped a lot in conducting this activity.

I still have no clue how to use my hands to do teachers work - but I realise how much fine-tuning into my body I need to keep myself coordinated. Anne's anatomy group helped in raising this awareness, as she talked us to different areas of the body. Her homework challenges my constructed self-image. I tend to consider myself as the whole body, but spontaneously just my eyes appeared in front of mental eye. Mentally, my head still floats around somewhere, yet I certainly felt easy after the turn with Anne.

Let's see how much I can get a conversation going about psycho-physical unity, and use language more precise to avoid constructing a distinction between mind and body.

Tuesday, February 5

Literature

Today I worked a lot with Libby (or she with me :), and just a little bit with the freshies. Bo borrowed me his anatomy book, so I can do my homework for next week, until I got my own copy. Libby helped me discovering mobility in my tailbone, something I never thought of before.

I enjoyed discussing the readings, and as group work we played with the position of position of mechanical advantage. From a coordinated position sitting on the back of the chair Libby put a book between my back and the back of the chair. I wasn't really leaning on it, just touching it with the shoulder blades.

Although I expected to see Duncan at some point, it felt a bit different than the private lessons. Yet it allows me to see him working, and observing teachers has some great value.

Monday, February 4

Yoga

On mondays we have a closer look at Yoga as group work. I will give up my plan to be familiar with all the names, and instead trying a get to know each new face when they are around. Three AT/Yoga teachers besides David came into school today, and I had a first session with Joe. I noticed that I can easier "scan" through my body, and it no longer surprises me too much to recognise "non-local" effects. However, I still anticipate the teacher's movements, which might make it hard for learning teachers to work with me.

Doing yoga while giving directions and getting quality feedback feels entirely different from my prior routine. Intention and attention transform Asanas into tools for introspection, yet I still have to unlearn the end-gaining attitude I developed towards yoga. But then, some things take time.

The first group work session consisted of the monkey (again :), the universal tool for doing the teachers work.

Friday, February 1

Foreign Students

Only foreign students come into the school on Fridays, and Robert, who misses some classes during the week because of work. After yesterdays busy day a small group of people worked together. I had my turn with Jenny with amazing results. The final spin gave me an elated feeling, which I could hardly keep in semi supine.

Rossi and I were willing bodies for the handwork of Cal, Bo, Jose and Robert, and we did a lot of monkeys. I started noticing more how the teachers and beginning teachers use their bodies. I tried applying monkeys to teeth brushing and dish washing, a valuable exercise as I need it heaps when working with others.

The work unveils layers of habits, blows them open and sometimes away. The total immersion yields noticeable progress, and this already after four days in a row. I remember the idea to soak in knowledge like a sponge. But body and mind soak in at the same time, and rigidity on either aspect of the self limit the potential.

Psycho-physical unity releases energies which still confuse me. I feel a continuity with the worryless careful attitude of the summer of 94. Weird.