Wednesday, February 25

Anatomy

Finally I managed to work productively on my speaking. Bronwyn didn't hesitate to point out the areas in my face with too much tension, and made me produce sounds on all fours. As gravity pulled my face down, I clearly noticed my pulling. However, although I liked this exploration I got under the influence of other stimuli.

The short time we spend on revising our description of the monkey paid out well. I surprised myself by reading somebody else's hand-writing fluently, and improvising two or three missing bits. Although we had our bit to present, anatomy makes me a bit immobile. Sitting for hours just receiving information requires lots of discipline, more than I can avail at the moment.

Tuesday, February 24

Inhibition

I had my turn with Libby, easy going and informative like most of the time. Chair work has the certain advantage of a limited set of stimuli, which makes inhibition and direction a bit easier. The chapter for the reading dealt with inhibition as well, and Matt provided us with the opportunity to exercise inhibition. The talks and group work made the distinction between withholding consent and inhibition much clearer, one is non-doing and the other rather the act of doing something.

Jenny's group helped me understanding more how a teacher approaches teaching inhibition, and how important inhibition for the teacher is.

Monday, February 23

After the intensive

The spirit of the improvised intensive didn't prevail until today. It took me some time to get into my body in my turn with Jane, still sweaty from the ride to school. We had a short debrief about the residential, with some very mixed feedback. The circumstances certainly tainted a bit the experience, but the fires left only short time to reorganise.

The group work unveiled my impatience. I got a bit upset with Stephen for my perceived lack of cooperation. It seems that my frustration threshold is pretty low at the moment, and I need to observe my reactions to emotional shifts a bit better. The topic shifted from hands-on to monkey, you can never enough monkey around.

I worked with Rossi in Lailani's group. Lailani's feedback made the hands-on session really valuable, doing less becomes easier. Or does the ease come with doing less? Anyway, using my hands seems the best way to stay directed, and motivated.

Thursday, February 12

Performance

During the turn with Jenny we detected a funny pattern: By releasing my wrists more my shoulders came undone, and my back lengthened. Interesting to find out how complex something like moving wrists can end up to be.

We did a re-briefing of Vivien's visit in the first group, and especially Tony aired his criticism extensively. Maria did her best to defend her, and appreciated the emotional experience Vivien put her through.

I forgot my lyrics sheet, which made performing a difficult task. Nevertheless I made some progress, the sound of my voice changed a lot in my 15 minutes of fame/shame. I have to remember to bring my camera with me,

Wednesday, February 11

Speaking

I had the first turn with David after the break. My use has improved, although my habits during speaking still go strong. The waiting time passed pleasantly with a bit of hands-on with David, then in the groups with Bronwyn and Libby.

We put our hands on the lower side of the ribcage during chair work. I found it hard just to place my hands with opposing thumbs on, I have to improve the flexibility of my wrists a lot to confidently use my hands. And like so often, less turned to be more.

In Libby's group we played with moving a head around. I worked together with Anne, and enjoyed the experience.

David announced the alternative residential program, we will travel between a yoga school in Thornsbury and our school.

Tuesday, February 10

Bad news

The day started with the pleasant surprise of another turn with Vivien. Her subtle hands moved around my shoulders to encourage more release, yet I still need to increase my sensitivity in this area. I know that my sensory feedback is unreliable, yet I have some trouble to let unknown feeling states happen.

Discussing the reading in the big group didn't allow to in-depth insights, yet worked out very peaceful, unlike the group work with Matt. He claimed that inhibition weakens the habitual pattern, thereby focusing on the 'wrong-doing', while I argued that it rather creates and strengthens the inhibition circuits.

I got tense and frustrated when he ignored/refuted my comment with "That's just semantic". I get the impression that many people in school don't want to deal with the thinking/language aspect of the work, unaware of their communication/interaction habits.

The group with Jenny worked out much better, taking heads and shoulders on the table. I can easier sync with Jenny's instruction, they seem better timed and very concise. My use while putting hands on improved a lot, although I still don't notice too much with my hands. Doing less will certainly help.

The bush fires around Melbourne interfere with our plans for the residential, which means it loses much of its attraction. I hardly can handle setbacks outside school at the moment, this change of plans affects me more than I want to.

Friday, February 6

Last day

Matt took care of turns and teaching, as only Sharon, Stephen, Rossi, Ana and me came to school. I had a table turn with Matt, and noticed how I lost my directions often when talking. Sharon and I worked on monkeys, with some amazing results. With my hands on the back of the chair, I managed to straighten out my thoracic spine, and Sharon mentioned that I got taller in the process.

We explored then the relation between eye and head movement. I got aware of the different approaches to moving/turning right and left, and that I haven't done any vision work lately.

Thursday, February 5

Performance

I still huff and puff after some unicycling, it feels like getting less though. I like Vivien's gentle ways while I had a turn with her, and felt significantly more up afterwards. We spend the remaining time with Vivien and performance work, an interesting thing to participate.

David asked Alysha to start, so she did some arabian drumming. Rossi improvised a story, vivid and funny. Will's guitar playing got enlivened by walking around, which gave him less chance to poke his hips forward. Tony recited a sonett, and looked like too exposed when he aborted the stage. Maria tried her introduction speech again, which led to some critiscism from my side. I don't know whether I went too far, yet Vivien confirmed my observations, and Maria went trhough an emotional roller coaster.

Finally, I dared to give the Galaxy Song a first go, much to the amusement of my fellow student, especially once I tried (yep) to do heaps of things at the same time.

Wednesday, February 4

Anatomy,

I discovered the connection between my shoulders and my knees during the turn with Ria. My attention slowly encompasses more and more of my body, yet I still need a lot of verbalized directions.

I did a bit of CJ, and happily joined a group during turn time working with David. I changed the way I put hands on, my arms move more freely and I tend less to fall into the body I'm touching.

Anatomy brought some surprising insights into group dynamics. We needed some time to agree what the task consisted of, yet got something together in the end. Rossi noticed my old pattern, although weaker than last year.

We described primary control, monkey and hands on the back of a chair in anatomical terms, revisiting our presentation the next week.

Tuesday, February 3

More hands-on

I arrived less exhausted today, and cooled down in semi-supine before I had a great turn with Jenny. Her idea of perceiving the activity of thinking a free neck as gateway to sense the entire body makes more and more sense to me. This indirect procedure accomplished more freedom, without thinking about ankles, knees and hips these joints moved easily.

I played a bit with Anne on the table, taking her head, arms and legs. I get aware that the situation affects my use still a lot, although I get better in using another body as stimulus to direct myself.

The group with Vivien favored Steven a lot, although we could learn heaps by observation. We did some more hands-on with Jenny, after she asked us to inhibit the most typical hick-ups in putting on hands.

Monday, February 2

Back to school

Things change at the school: Four new students started this term, Robert came in as teacher, the school has a new website. I had a friendly chat with Alysha and Bell, before having a very productive turn with Lailani. I notice my tendency to poke my head forward more and more, and the little collapse in the front that goes with it. She suggested to think about keeping the distance between cheekbones and hip, which worked well for me (as long as I remembered thinking it).

The new student got their hello in the first meeting, and we got a quick intro to the new website, before we finally got into groups and did some hands-on work. With Marigold we played around with listening hands, and I noticed again the importance of taking care of myself. Lailani tried to go through some of Vivien's ideas, unfortunately just little time was left.

I hope for a bit cooler weather, I was sweating like a pig when I arrived at school after unicycling there. Well, I'll do it again tomorrow (unless its raining in the morning).