Friday, October 31

Friday

The turn with Matt gave me some more insights about what I do with my legs, and how I maintain my balance. However, I still felt quite wrecked after the turn, and fought hard to keep awake.

Like often on fridays, we did a lot of hands-on work. We did another round of guessing blind-folded whose hands resp. bodies we got in contact with, as well as some chair-work. I really liked this opportunity to sensitize my hands, and especially Ana's hands surprised me a lot.

Thursday, October 30

Bright side

I had the first turn with Loukia, and enjoyed the new experiences she offered me. I discovered the fine line between the sensation of movement caused by movement of outer muscles and the movement caused by the anti-gravity reflex, or rather, I caught a glimpse of it.

In our group work we experimented with sliding tunes while sitting back to back, I had Garth and Michael as stimulus while doing this. Like always, attention and intention were the keys to notice anything, and those two backs I leaned on offered so much different information.

The performance session with Ria worked amazingly well. She hardly used her hands, but managed to give us some ideas which changed our performance to the better. Getting prepared (and directed) before entering the actual spot for performing worked well for me, and I noticed how much my performance picked up whenever I managed to 'throw some direction in'.

Tuesday, October 28

Another bllnd day

I had another turn with David today, and I get the impression that I stay directed during chair work, at least to a certain degree. Inhibition works better, when you notice what you do additionally.

I played a bit hands-on with Rossi, with Margaret helping. The rest of the day went passed with counselling and communication, when I got reminded of two bits of homework I still have to deliver. Hmpf.

Monday, October 27

Jaw dropping

I continued my vision experiments today, I feel less intimidated by seeing less now than when I started. I had a turn with Jane, who worked Nili-style, which gave me good information. David's hands felt much more subtle, nevertheless with lots of direction.

We had a premature book session, so I had to master the challenge of doing my reading as well as proof reading Rossi's homework with pinhole glasses. We did the reading session in the large group, recapitulating the way Alexander discovered his method of re-learning.

We did bits of hands-on work in the group with Margaret, and I seem to have different habits with and without lenses - or rather, I fell back into my habit of falling into my students.

Friday, October 24

Eye dropper

Do I hang around too much in my limbic system, or why don't I get into a more cheery mood in the mornings? I used the semi supine session to reconsider the patterns related to the movement of my eyes, quite interesting.

I detected the habit to look down in a lot of situations, which usually drags my front down with it. I suspect the downward direction gets me into 'feeling mode' in NLP terms, got to confirm this. Wow, the eye accessing cues really offer some revelations - one of the downward gazes links to the kinaesthetic sense (bingo!), the other to 'auditory digital' whatever this might mean. The upward direction link to visual memory and construction, which might explain my troubles visualing.

Looking upwards feels quite unusual to me, with my head commonly tilted backwards my eyes hardly need to go there. Somehow my idea of having my head 'balanced' links to the level of my eyes in my skull - a nasty double bind place. I tend to drop my eyes into their 'normal' position, getting into 'feeling mode'. There I indulge in sensory debauchery, connecting the sensory information for an effortful position with normality.

I need to construct some two way mirror at home to convince my eyes of their consequence for my directions, and find other ways to get my eyes out of their two dimensional fixation back to more depth.

Thursday, October 23

The bright side

It looks the intense start into my fourth term swept the ground under my feet away.... yet not through an immense up, rather by returning to old hazardous habits. Today's turn with Ria helped quite a bit getting back into presence.

I felt quite heavy when singing, the I couldn't integrate direction, new lyrics, a changed audience and the stimulus of performing itself into something coherent. I think I know now what I miss: Decent communication about mental habits that we discover on our path. I noticed that 'parking' my body while attending something produces heaps of thoughts, dragging me into the limbic system and down.

'You need courage to maintain the up constantly, it's a bit like being naked'. I agree absolutely with Nili, yet I don't know yet how to gain that courage.

Wednesday, October 15

Changing habits

The first two days with Nili felt quite intense, now it feels more like the usual strange energy has returned to school. Nili teaches a very strict MacDonald style, straight in and out of chairs, with very strong directions in her hands.

Last wednesday I took up my visual experiments again, and it blows my mind more and more. Kate can see me changing with and without lenses, I notice more the changes in my thinking than in my use. Somehow, the perceived need for control and flow interfere, and might be entirely incompatible. However, the (intermittend) lack of self esteem drags me down, even habitually.

The performance session nearly turned into a fight with Maria, but luckily Kate intervened very elegantly and defused the situation. Having a turn with Jenny on friday made the memories turn into experience easier, I still felt quite drained afterwards.

Happily I have no definition for 'madness', otherwise I could think that I'm heading just there.

Monday, October 6

Nili time

The new term started with a surprise, at least for me. Nili Bassan, a regular guest teacher, came in, and I had an interesting term with her. I think I understand the 'up' part of forward and up better than the forward part, and she helped me identifying where I disconnect my torso.

Her group style favors hands-on, and I had a long session of chair work with Kaz. To my surprise, it didn't get boring, and I learned something new about the way I distribute my weight when getting out of a chair. Even doing the monkey for nearly an hour didn't tire too much, I wonder what the next two weeks will bring.