Awareness

We had three two hours of anatomy this week, and I noticed how tiring the traditional frontal teaching format is. Luckily Mick Gleeson presented the material in an interesting and light-hearted way, deepening my knowledge about anatomy in a productive way.

Even today the school routine didn't kick back in, half of the students explored swimming with Penny. Ria and Jenny were our teachers for the performance day, having plenty of time for each of us. I worked with Ria on maintaining my directions while talking to a student, which worked out well in many dimensions.

Not that I don't like having hands on me, but Rias communicative approach improved a bit my self-esteem. And as we both maintained our use, the quality of the conversation, even with many interruption, reached a lot of mutual understanding.

We explored the role of the jaw in sound production as group activity, after exploring each others torso during breathing, monkey and whispered aaah. The more I allow all of the sensory information to come together, the easier it gets to get an idea what's happening in another person.

During the performance session, Ria picked up on my extra breathing when singing. After my first attempt, she used her hands to remind me to inhibit this habit, then she just cued me verbally in time. I was surprised that my performance looked like I was thinking less, as I was acutely aware of the diversity of intentions I was juggling with while singing.

Cozy friday

Only four students came in this friday, making this friday a relaxed and productive day at school. Matt did some chairwork with me, before we played around with moving within a monkey. Now, as I begin to understand what the monkey is about, I don't like thinking about monkey anymore (although I haven't found a new word for attitude connected to a monkey).

The second group dealt with table work, providing the pleasant mix of collecting experience of hands-on work with getting plenty of work done on oneself. I still notice the impulse of 'zoning out', but with Matt's help I managed to maintain my directions much better. I become more aware about different 'classes' of stimuli - the stimulus (and connected habits) of the teacher-student situation, of doing a specific procedure (getting into a monkey, sending the hands away from the back), of having a living human being in front of me, of dealing with the emotions arising with different persons.

Trusting the process becomes more and more important for me, yet it feels like the speed of change has increased this term.

Anatomy

Finally I managed to work productively on my speaking. Bronwyn didn't hesitate to point out the areas in my face with too much tension, and made me produce sounds on all fours. As gravity pulled my face down, I clearly noticed my pulling. However, although I liked this exploration I got under the influence of other stimuli.

The short time we spend on revising our description of the monkey paid out well. I surprised myself by reading somebody else's hand-writing fluently, and improvising two or three missing bits. Although we had our bit to present, anatomy makes me a bit immobile. Sitting for hours just receiving information requires lots of discipline, more than I can avail at the moment.

After the intensive

The spirit of the improvised intensive didn't prevail until today. It took me some time to get into my body in my turn with Jane, still sweaty from the ride to school. We had a short debrief about the residential, with some very mixed feedback. The circumstances certainly tainted a bit the experience, but the fires left only short time to reorganise.

The group work unveiled my impatience. I got a bit upset with Stephen for my perceived lack of cooperation. It seems that my frustration threshold is pretty low at the moment, and I need to observe my reactions to emotional shifts a bit better. The topic shifted from hands-on to monkey, you can never enough monkey around.

I worked with Rossi in Lailani's group. Lailani's feedback made the hands-on session really valuable, doing less becomes easier. Or does the ease come with doing less? Anyway, using my hands seems the best way to stay directed, and motivated.

Last day

Matt took care of turns and teaching, as only Sharon, Stephen, Rossi, Ana and me came to school. I had a table turn with Matt, and noticed how I lost my directions often when talking. Sharon and I worked on monkeys, with some amazing results. With my hands on the back of the chair, I managed to straighten out my thoracic spine, and Sharon mentioned that I got taller in the process.

We explored then the relation between eye and head movement. I got aware of the different approaches to moving/turning right and left, and that I haven't done any vision work lately.

Anatomy,

I discovered the connection between my shoulders and my knees during the turn with Ria. My attention slowly encompasses more and more of my body, yet I still need a lot of verbalized directions.

I did a bit of CJ, and happily joined a group during turn time working with David. I changed the way I put hands on, my arms move more freely and I tend less to fall into the body I'm touching.

Anatomy brought some surprising insights into group dynamics. We needed some time to agree what the task consisted of, yet got something together in the end. Rossi noticed my old pattern, although weaker than last year.

We described primary control, monkey and hands on the back of a chair in anatomical terms, revisiting our presentation the next week.

Nili time

The new term started with a surprise, at least for me. Nili Bassan, a regular guest teacher, came in, and I had an interesting term with her. I think I understand the 'up' part of forward and up better than the forward part, and she helped me identifying where I disconnect my torso.

Her group style favors hands-on, and I had a long session of chair work with Kaz. To my surprise, it didn't get boring, and I learned something new about the way I distribute my weight when getting out of a chair. Even doing the monkey for nearly an hour didn't tire too much, I wonder what the next two weeks will bring.

Tired tire

I managed to come late to school because one of the tires I just bought yesterday went flat overnight. The turn with Julia did not wake me up, but left me quite elated after doing a bit of table work, chair work and monkeys. While I used the ease to sit down and read, David picked me for another turn.

During Jenny's groupwork we went on all four, trying to maintain our backs while moving around. I still hardly notice whether my limbs are underneath my joints, which offers a good choice for exploration.

We did some games after the tea break, and finished with hands-on partnerwork. I partnered up with Cal, and realised again the amount of stimulus another body provides. I managed to inhibit a lot while Jenny supervised us, it made me a bit more nervous when Ineke and Julia took over. I certainly need some intention when I put my hands on, otherwise I get drawn into the person, get into quantum zero state or simply wiggle my arms around too much.

Tired

The combination of reading news in the morning and some grey and rainy weather made me quite ill tempered. Jenny gave me table turn, and while lengthening my body she gave me interesting ideas about watching my reactions to adverse opinions that I might encounter as a teacher.

In David's small group we went back to the basics, picking up a book from the floor and monkeys behind a chair. It felt much easier than before, and Rossi and I used the opportunity to observe Ana, our newest student.

Jenny challenged us a bit more, pairing us up to detect movement and holding in our partner. First we took each others arm to swing it around, keeping directed and free in our necks while tensing some other parts of our bodies. Then, while sitting opposite to each other, we gave both arms away to play with it.

I get closer not only to understand how the arms work, but also to use them more in the way they are attached to the body. However, staying perceptive for my use and someone else's simultaneously requires a lot, but only practise can improve my awareness.

Reading

I had a kind of fix me table turn with Margaret, which worked out really well. Feeling still quite jetlagged, it helped me to stay in my body, with a reduced amount of stimuli interfering. It looks like the process of unravelling my bodily habits looped back to my shoulders, after noticing the extra effort in my ankles, knees and hips.

We dealt with the worry habit during the reading session, yet not really in a satisfying matter. Although most teachers encounter apprehension, worries and anxieties at some point with their students, FM Alexander offered only an approach resembling cognitive therapy. Fortunately Alexander teachers use their hands as well, which allows them to give their students new (psychophysical) experiences instead of analysing causes to death.

In Jenny's group we tried to use the monkey to find out about our own worries, which failed me a bit, mainly because the jetlag diverted most of my attention.

Reverse monkey

My day started with a slight hangover, a bit of a cold, tense muscles spiced up with some self-pityness. I fostered this combination while in semi-supine before I had a turn with Jenny. Although I didn't anticipate my situation to get better, the turn brought me back into a more balanced state. As soon as I stopped trying hard, and feeling bad about the misuse during the weekend, release happened and got me more aware again.

As only half of the students came in today, I had a second turn with Ria, exploring the range of motion of my arms. The yoga session felt intense, although I already forgot how we started it. Doing the dog again drained a lot of energy, yet doing it properly brought some good stretching. We ended the yoga session with a reverse monkey, walking up the wall while supporting the body weight with the hands.

I slowly begin to understand the monkey now, and it certainly works better with intention than micromanaged on joint level. The final group session lasted only half an hour, and while waiting for the Pilates session with Heidi I tried to teach juggling to Ria and Rossi.

The pilates exercises challenged me a lot, although we did them in a slow pace. We started with raising awareness for our breathing, as most exercises synchronise breathing and movement. As all of us lack core strength, Heidi chose exercises involving the pelvic floor. Pilates challenges me more than expected, yet I like it. I will try to find some description on the web of what we did to do a little homework.

Yoga

On mondays we have a closer look at Yoga as group work. I will give up my plan to be familiar with all the names, and instead trying a get to know each new face when they are around. Three AT/Yoga teachers besides David came into school today, and I had a first session with Joe. I noticed that I can easier "scan" through my body, and it no longer surprises me too much to recognise "non-local" effects. However, I still anticipate the teacher's movements, which might make it hard for learning teachers to work with me.

Doing yoga while giving directions and getting quality feedback feels entirely different from my prior routine. Intention and attention transform Asanas into tools for introspection, yet I still have to unlearn the end-gaining attitude I developed towards yoga. But then, some things take time.

The first group work session consisted of the monkey (again :), the universal tool for doing the teachers work.

Foreign Students

Only foreign students come into the school on Fridays, and Robert, who misses some classes during the week because of work. After yesterdays busy day a small group of people worked together. I had my turn with Jenny with amazing results. The final spin gave me an elated feeling, which I could hardly keep in semi supine.

Rossi and I were willing bodies for the handwork of Cal, Bo, Jose and Robert, and we did a lot of monkeys. I started noticing more how the teachers and beginning teachers use their bodies. I tried applying monkeys to teeth brushing and dish washing, a valuable exercise as I need it heaps when working with others.

The work unveils layers of habits, blows them open and sometimes away. The total immersion yields noticeable progress, and this already after four days in a row. I remember the idea to soak in knowledge like a sponge. But body and mind soak in at the same time, and rigidity on either aspect of the self limit the potential.

Psycho-physical unity releases energies which still confuse me. I feel a continuity with the worryless careful attitude of the summer of 94. Weird.