I distracted myself from the more and more 'official' uncertainty of my future by working on contact juggling with Matt. Actually, I hardly touched the ball in the turn with him, but instead scrutinized the way I move my arms to play with the ball. As long as I don't get lazy and complacent, juggling and unicycling offer awesome opportunities to improve my use, and get more into the idea of the 'unified field of attention'.
I hardly managed to find someone to work with in the rest of the turn time, somehow I managed to start working with those students who just were about to have a turn with Kaz, first Sharon, then Briar. I noticed some familiar pattern of thought arising while idling, luckily Rossi asked me to help her a bit while she gave a table turn to Amanda.
Libby's writing and research session turned into a bit of Kindergarten. Tony and Ana stopped Libby nearly after each sentence, often just to ask about the exact things that she just said, or wanting to know pretty much unknowable things. The continuous interruptions stretched our sessions out a lot, so that there was no time for some practical work left.
Back home, I notice much I need more debriefing and exchange about our work - frustration and aggression rear their ugly heads again, and I can hardly concentrate on more constructive thoughts. I don't like the idea of organising another intercontinental move, and I have no inspiration where to go after my time in Australia, and how to organise setting up a practise in an entirely new environment. I was aware that making a living as AT teacher won't be a piece of cake, starting over somewhere else looks at the moment like an insurmountable task.
Yet all that desperation won't help to tackle this task, nevertheless I realise how familiar the Don Quixote role seems to me, triggering lots of habitual unproductive coping patterns. Striving for sanity in a mad world doesn't feel like getting into the flow of life, but rather like swimming against the stream. Especially as I don't have any reliable support here, or any positive outlet for all the (self) destructive thoughts whirling through my mind. Well, I gotta keep breathing.
Showing posts with label Kaz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kaz. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24
Thursday, June 4
Old habits
I still haven't found much opportunity to work constructively on one very old habit, speaking. Today started with quite an amazing turn with Jenny. I did not notice the slow, gradual increase of freedom in my movements. Although I can hardly remember the stiffness in my movement, I got very aware of my availability during Jenny's turn.
More freedom means as well more chances to 'help', or forgetting to remember to inhibit. I hardly noticed a difference in sensation when I changed my thinking, inhibiting my desire to help with the movement Jenny suggested with her hands. However, Jenny allowed me enough time to inhibit and renew my directions when undoing my shoulders, leaving me with a smile and new experiences.
I worked on my speaking habits again during the performance session. Although we were confined in the tea room, the atmosphere seemed to me more cooperative than on my first attempt. I really appreciated Kaz's approach as teacher. His question posed enough of a challenge not to shoot out an answer immediately, although I needed two attempts to answer it.
At first I lost my directions quite typically, and went a bit on a tangent. After some feedback and Kaz's friendly reminder that I didn't really answer, I stunned the group by a concise one-liner. Kaz wanted to know what I learned so far about my speaking habits, and I realised that I usually ignore my (body) awareness while speaking.
Kaz didn't stop here, although he can take pride in guiding me to an interesting revelation about my habit, and allowing me the positive experience of achieving my end by the right means. He noticed that I miss out on the chance to renew my inhibition with every full stop. Instead of telling me what I do wrong, he suggested in a friendly way a different approach, giving me the chance to choose whether to identify with his criticism or not.
Kaz's way of giving feedback certainly fits into the concept of 'indirect procedures'. He doesn't impose the interpretation of his observations to a student, he just offers them. A good example to follow and study.
More freedom means as well more chances to 'help', or forgetting to remember to inhibit. I hardly noticed a difference in sensation when I changed my thinking, inhibiting my desire to help with the movement Jenny suggested with her hands. However, Jenny allowed me enough time to inhibit and renew my directions when undoing my shoulders, leaving me with a smile and new experiences.
I worked on my speaking habits again during the performance session. Although we were confined in the tea room, the atmosphere seemed to me more cooperative than on my first attempt. I really appreciated Kaz's approach as teacher. His question posed enough of a challenge not to shoot out an answer immediately, although I needed two attempts to answer it.
At first I lost my directions quite typically, and went a bit on a tangent. After some feedback and Kaz's friendly reminder that I didn't really answer, I stunned the group by a concise one-liner. Kaz wanted to know what I learned so far about my speaking habits, and I realised that I usually ignore my (body) awareness while speaking.
Kaz didn't stop here, although he can take pride in guiding me to an interesting revelation about my habit, and allowing me the positive experience of achieving my end by the right means. He noticed that I miss out on the chance to renew my inhibition with every full stop. Instead of telling me what I do wrong, he suggested in a friendly way a different approach, giving me the chance to choose whether to identify with his criticism or not.
Kaz's way of giving feedback certainly fits into the concept of 'indirect procedures'. He doesn't impose the interpretation of his observations to a student, he just offers them. A good example to follow and study.
Monday, October 6
Nili time
The new term started with a surprise, at least for me. Nili Bassan, a regular guest teacher, came in, and I had an interesting term with her. I think I understand the 'up' part of forward and up better than the forward part, and she helped me identifying where I disconnect my torso.
Her group style favors hands-on, and I had a long session of chair work with Kaz. To my surprise, it didn't get boring, and I learned something new about the way I distribute my weight when getting out of a chair. Even doing the monkey for nearly an hour didn't tire too much, I wonder what the next two weeks will bring.
Her group style favors hands-on, and I had a long session of chair work with Kaz. To my surprise, it didn't get boring, and I learned something new about the way I distribute my weight when getting out of a chair. Even doing the monkey for nearly an hour didn't tire too much, I wonder what the next two weeks will bring.
Wednesday, April 23
Counselling and communication
The day started with a bit of a surprise - Libby helped me experiencing some significant lengthening in the thoracic area. The pull back of the shoulders might as well belong to a holding pattern around my hips, I gradually get more sensitivity to feel the weight travelling through my body, although I didn't get to the heels yet.
We had the first C&C session with Razia, a psycho therapist and Alexander teacher. She stressed the importance of a gentle approach to enable an interactive communication and lined out some simple ways to achieve this. As a teacher our listening skills have to exceed our talking skills, without sucessfull communication no rapport can happen.
The exercises made me aware of some of known communication flaws, like my impatience while listening. The feedback from Jane and Kaz offered new insights. Jane attested me good reinforcement skills, but noted also the difference between this exercise and my usual ways of talking. She can see different tensional patterns in my face when I'm listening and when I'm preparing to say something, while Kaz noted more nervousness when the questions became more personal.
We had the first C&C session with Razia, a psycho therapist and Alexander teacher. She stressed the importance of a gentle approach to enable an interactive communication and lined out some simple ways to achieve this. As a teacher our listening skills have to exceed our talking skills, without sucessfull communication no rapport can happen.
The exercises made me aware of some of known communication flaws, like my impatience while listening. The feedback from Jane and Kaz offered new insights. Jane attested me good reinforcement skills, but noted also the difference between this exercise and my usual ways of talking. She can see different tensional patterns in my face when I'm listening and when I'm preparing to say something, while Kaz noted more nervousness when the questions became more personal.
Monday, March 17
More Yoga
While having a turn with John I noticed that my hips still don't move too much. The idea of letting "my tail down", however, helps preventing the shortening of the lumbar region. Although I know now more about the roundness of my shoulders, and that my arms are attached to
the front of the body, I still to manage to shorten myself laterally.
Even though we just went through 4 or 5 postures in the yoga session, it felt a lot like a workout. The difference between just copying the postures somehow, and staying directed while doing them does not fail to amaze me once again.
During the second group session we talked about Kaz' frustration, possibly due to the lack of explanation why AT works at all. Jenny, as a virgo, does not think that "energy systems" are involved, but has no problem working with people who do think so.
the front of the body, I still to manage to shorten myself laterally.
Even though we just went through 4 or 5 postures in the yoga session, it felt a lot like a workout. The difference between just copying the postures somehow, and staying directed while doing them does not fail to amaze me once again.
During the second group session we talked about Kaz' frustration, possibly due to the lack of explanation why AT works at all. Jenny, as a virgo, does not think that "energy systems" are involved, but has no problem working with people who do think so.
Thursday, March 13
Put your hands up
I woke up today to the sound of bad news - Mark F died in a diving accident on Monday. The first link I forged to this country has left this planet, and it hardly evoked emotions in me. Or rather, I hardly noticed any.
So I chose table work when having my turn with Margaret, and the thoughts about Mark's death went to the background for a while. While observing the other teachers, Kaz asked me to do some chair work with him. The connection with his hands worked really well, the movement felt a bit unsynchronised.
We observed another victim lying in semi-supine trying to make sounds as group work. Only practice enables me to know where to look - although some pattern look similar, everyone combines a multitude of minor misuse into an individual pattern.
The same things happened during the performance session. We could easily observe the effect of monitoring, and its detrimental influence to our performance. Checking one's own use needs practice, and the time required can decrease, once it becomes a habit. However, without presence the performance can not convince.
So I chose table work when having my turn with Margaret, and the thoughts about Mark's death went to the background for a while. While observing the other teachers, Kaz asked me to do some chair work with him. The connection with his hands worked really well, the movement felt a bit unsynchronised.
We observed another victim lying in semi-supine trying to make sounds as group work. Only practice enables me to know where to look - although some pattern look similar, everyone combines a multitude of minor misuse into an individual pattern.
The same things happened during the performance session. We could easily observe the effect of monitoring, and its detrimental influence to our performance. Checking one's own use needs practice, and the time required can decrease, once it becomes a habit. However, without presence the performance can not convince.
Wednesday, February 27
Riding
Today I had my turn with David, who helped me finding yet another pattern in my misconception of standing. I tend to push from my sternum, which brings neck and head out of alignment. While working with Kaz on the table a lot of release in the front of my body and hips happened, just when Kaz was doubting that anything would happen.
In the group work with Marigold we looked at riding. By spiraling around our thighs Marigold helped us releasing the legs, so that instead of sitting like on a chair, the legs could simply hang from the hip joints. The balance initiated just from head, neck and back. What felt like a anterior release turned out as posterior release of those muscles pulling the bum together and the pelvis back.
In the group work with Marigold we looked at riding. By spiraling around our thighs Marigold helped us releasing the legs, so that instead of sitting like on a chair, the legs could simply hang from the hip joints. The balance initiated just from head, neck and back. What felt like a anterior release turned out as posterior release of those muscles pulling the bum together and the pelvis back.
Wednesday, January 30
Anatomy
I still struggle with some of the names, but it seems to get better any day. (Thats easy to say after two days). I spend about half an hour in semi supine, which more and more appears to be an amazing tool to regain awareness of the body.
Jeremy took the turn on me today, and showed me an astonishing way to get out of a slump without doing anything about it. Releasing the neck and rocking slightly back and forth did the trick, with no attention to the shoulders at all. Maria had 5 minutes to put her hands on me before that, and Kaz tried to get me on the tips of my feet.
The activity session with Libby was about sleeping, a very important activity. It surprised me how different bodies look like while basically doing the same, ie lying on the side ready to sleep. However, using pillows for the support of the upper arm, the belly and between the legs improves the length of the spine and produces easily the sensation of more comfort.
The anatomy session with Jeremy constituted the most formal part, and like the reading part requires us to do homework. I still need another book to do my homework, yet I might check the Uni library and make some copies, in case the book won't arrive soon in the school. The body has only a finite number of components like bones, tendons, ligaments, organs and muscles, yet I don't know too much about the interactions and the locations that apply.
I really enjoy being the object of hand work of the second years - Will, Kaz and Maria had a go so far. I realise more and more the pervasiveness of Alexander's approach. However, I noticed the similarity to Gurdjieff's, Feldenkrais and Crowley's constant reminder to introspection. The things I learn feed my desire for something new and useful, yet it grows with everything new.
Jeremy took the turn on me today, and showed me an astonishing way to get out of a slump without doing anything about it. Releasing the neck and rocking slightly back and forth did the trick, with no attention to the shoulders at all. Maria had 5 minutes to put her hands on me before that, and Kaz tried to get me on the tips of my feet.
The activity session with Libby was about sleeping, a very important activity. It surprised me how different bodies look like while basically doing the same, ie lying on the side ready to sleep. However, using pillows for the support of the upper arm, the belly and between the legs improves the length of the spine and produces easily the sensation of more comfort.
The anatomy session with Jeremy constituted the most formal part, and like the reading part requires us to do homework. I still need another book to do my homework, yet I might check the Uni library and make some copies, in case the book won't arrive soon in the school. The body has only a finite number of components like bones, tendons, ligaments, organs and muscles, yet I don't know too much about the interactions and the locations that apply.
I really enjoy being the object of hand work of the second years - Will, Kaz and Maria had a go so far. I realise more and more the pervasiveness of Alexander's approach. However, I noticed the similarity to Gurdjieff's, Feldenkrais and Crowley's constant reminder to introspection. The things I learn feed my desire for something new and useful, yet it grows with everything new.
Tuesday, January 29
The first day
It felt a bit like the first day in school, although I've been through the experience of beginning a new chapter of my life quite often. Michael and Rossi seemed more nervous than me, but I didn't hesitate when David asked me to do the first round of 'observed walking'. The teachers took their turns at the as well, and criticising each other to the amusement of all.
As group work we picked up a book while sitting, and used the monkey to pick up a book from the chair. Kaz gave me a bit of table work in the morning, my shoulder need a lot more calibration, and David made me aware about the tendency to put the head back in the last moments of sitting.
On the table and during semi supine I used different heights for the books under my head. I should find some decent height tomorrow morning, and check whether I can connect the names and faces tomorrow. And I could start working on my homework after the class, applying control while doing so.
After losing control deliberately to a certain extend over the weekend, I'm curious about the effect of four days in a row of school. Basically, I can imagine some advances, but this will certainly require a bit of sleep.
As group work we picked up a book while sitting, and used the monkey to pick up a book from the chair. Kaz gave me a bit of table work in the morning, my shoulder need a lot more calibration, and David made me aware about the tendency to put the head back in the last moments of sitting.
On the table and during semi supine I used different heights for the books under my head. I should find some decent height tomorrow morning, and check whether I can connect the names and faces tomorrow. And I could start working on my homework after the class, applying control while doing so.
After losing control deliberately to a certain extend over the weekend, I'm curious about the effect of four days in a row of school. Basically, I can imagine some advances, but this will certainly require a bit of sleep.
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