Performance

I still huff and puff after some unicycling, it feels like getting less though. I like Vivien's gentle ways while I had a turn with her, and felt significantly more up afterwards. We spend the remaining time with Vivien and performance work, an interesting thing to participate.

David asked Alysha to start, so she did some arabian drumming. Rossi improvised a story, vivid and funny. Will's guitar playing got enlivened by walking around, which gave him less chance to poke his hips forward. Tony recited a sonett, and looked like too exposed when he aborted the stage. Maria tried her introduction speech again, which led to some critiscism from my side. I don't know whether I went too far, yet Vivien confirmed my observations, and Maria went trhough an emotional roller coaster.

Finally, I dared to give the Galaxy Song a first go, much to the amusement of my fellow student, especially once I tried (yep) to do heaps of things at the same time.

Changing habits

The first two days with Nili felt quite intense, now it feels more like the usual strange energy has returned to school. Nili teaches a very strict MacDonald style, straight in and out of chairs, with very strong directions in her hands.

Last wednesday I took up my visual experiments again, and it blows my mind more and more. Kate can see me changing with and without lenses, I notice more the changes in my thinking than in my use. Somehow, the perceived need for control and flow interfere, and might be entirely incompatible. However, the (intermittend) lack of self esteem drags me down, even habitually.

The performance session nearly turned into a fight with Maria, but luckily Kate intervened very elegantly and defused the situation. Having a turn with Jenny on friday made the memories turn into experience easier, I still felt quite drained afterwards.

Happily I have no definition for 'madness', otherwise I could think that I'm heading just there.

I bruised my foot yesterday by ambitiously jumping off a 2 metre fence, so I didn't put too much weight on the aching foot. During the table turn with Matt I felt nearly no pain, releasing the muscles around the affected area counteracted some habitual responses.

The reading session brought no real new information, and afterwards I had the pleasure of being the subject of table work of three students at the same time. I noticed some differences in the ways Sharon, Anne and Maria put their hands on, and I wonder how much my expectation and prior experiences influence the connection between our nervous systems.

In the last group we revisited spirals. I didn't feel comfortable standing, yet Margaret's tip to let the weight pass through my injured foot into the ground worked amazingly well. Still, the pain distracted me a lot so that my hands did not pick up much.

Spirals

I walked to school, which made it easier to adapt again to the 'Alexander thing'. My turn with Margaret taught me a lot, and my proprioception doesn't feel too screwed up after two weeks break.

In the group with Margaret and Ria we talked about the spirals formed by muscle groups that loop around the torso and the limbs. The comparison to the structure of fabric, and its different elasticity depending on the direction of tension within it helped me a lot to refine my ideas about muscles and fascia. While muscles work a bit like a sewed fabric, fascia acts more knitted fabric. (Take this with a grain of General Semantics).

In between the groups Maria and Anne worked with me, and I'm quite surprised about the difference in contact I notice when they put hands on.

Lailani took us very slowly through some asanas based on all fours. I manage more and more to forget about end-gaining while doing yoga, and really love to notice the increase in body awareness that comes with this changed attitude.

Back to school

The new term saw one new face, Jim, who already visited the school for anatomy sessions. And as had my turn with Margaret and Ria just like Maria, I did not start as first, and bounced around a bit during turn time.

Although I did hardly any work during the break, I have not yet forgotten everything. Playing around with hands-on proved again that human bodies by itself constitute a large stimulus. The day at school ended with a surprise pilates session, which might leave me with some sour muscles.

Hangover

The gogo juice kept me awake for a long time, I felt a bit sleepless when I had the turn with David. The queazyness prevented me from trying too hard, yet I could still feel my serratus posterior inferior. The way I stand seems to change daily, I can feel the weight more clearly in heel, balls, side and toes. Maria did some table work with me, with very subtle effects.

This weeks reading was less controversal, although I still wonder a bit about a confrontational approach to "mental rigidity". Bronwyn reminded me of the consentual aspect of the learning process....

In the group work we sensed each other backs, and my hands felt hardly anything. My observation and sensation need plenty of improvement.

Conscious control

I like having turn with Jenny, her gentle hands seem to connect easily, and she provides me with lots of tactile information. However, talking to her about the emotional aspect of the self and our work left as curious as before.

I did some table work with Maria after that. I understand the way my shoulders work better now, and notice more of the deeper layers of muscles coming back to life (and into my awareness). And I manage to layer more directions together, intent does the trick. She explained to me convincingly that the jaw belongs to the neck, so I should include it in the direction "neck free".

I still haven't plugged the Aid-AT wiki, somehow I inhibited myself from talking about it today. T-shirt communication will make that inevitable tomorrow. The discussion about "Applying conscious control" went into biscuit and chocolate addiction.

Now

I go the school early enough to have the first turn, but I haven't arrived as first one yet. Maria does her usually her semi supine when I arrive, and as both us had a turn with Vivien Mackay, I got the second turn this time. I liked watching her working, yet working with her really stunned me. Her hands fluidly sensed my back, and it felt most of the time more than stroking than directing, a very pleasant sensation. The amount of release we accomplished made me incredibly light, and the softness of her touch allowed me a lot of ease.

In the group work she told us about the power of the right moment, which occurs when student and teacher connect their intention and move as one. Maria worked with me, assisted by Jenny, who compared the right moment with catching a wave. And indeed, once you missed a wave, you have to start over again, and take the next one. As much as teacher can sense the student holding, I could feel Maria's apprehension sometimes during the group work. By synchronising intention, flow can happen. Once the right moment to move has come, this flows needs to continue, otherwise tensions on either side might interfere with the freedom of movement.

While having some biscuits and sparkly to celebrate Vivien's birthday I had a chance to talk some German again. Daniella's parents migrated to Australia shortly after her birth, and her German had an interesting mix of influences. The combination of an elating session with Vivien and some sparkly made me a bit tipsy, and I carried this cheerful mood into the performance. As I didn't dare as yet to sing, I enjoyed watching the way Vivien worked, and the change brought to Jose's singing.

Vivien's explanation that singing needs more not-doing than doing the right thing convinced me to give it go next time, singing the old Hans Albers "Auf der Reeeperbahn nachts um halb eins".

Yoga and Pilates

The third week started, and no repetition happened so far. I had my turn with Lailani, and learned about the subtle movement of the legs while sitting down and getting up. We delved deeper into this exploration at the group work, which offered plenty food for thought.

Maria had a short go to work with me, but I wasn't used as much as exploration object as I wanted to. However, after most 2nd and 3rd years had their go on Bo, our largest guy, David asked me to follow him sitting down. Although my fingers aren't too sensitive yet, I enjoyed the challenge to keep myself coordinated while having hands on.

Using my hands to direct others is a real challenge, as the teacher has to be more coordinated than the student. Without sufficient release I lack the sensibility to know what's happening with a potential student. I'm encountering now the difficulty to apply heaps of directions simulantenously, directing myself still takes some effort.

We started the Pilates session after school, with an assessment of strength and range of mobility. Initially I was happy to have the best scores, I grew even more happy when I found out about some of my weaknesses. I'm looking forward to the next sessions.

Anatomy

I still struggle with some of the names, but it seems to get better any day. (Thats easy to say after two days). I spend about half an hour in semi supine, which more and more appears to be an amazing tool to regain awareness of the body.

Jeremy took the turn on me today, and showed me an astonishing way to get out of a slump without doing anything about it. Releasing the neck and rocking slightly back and forth did the trick, with no attention to the shoulders at all. Maria had 5 minutes to put her hands on me before that, and Kaz tried to get me on the tips of my feet.

The activity session with Libby was about sleeping, a very important activity. It surprised me how different bodies look like while basically doing the same, ie lying on the side ready to sleep. However, using pillows for the support of the upper arm, the belly and between the legs improves the length of the spine and produces easily the sensation of more comfort.

The anatomy session with Jeremy constituted the most formal part, and like the reading part requires us to do homework. I still need another book to do my homework, yet I might check the Uni library and make some copies, in case the book won't arrive soon in the school. The body has only a finite number of components like bones, tendons, ligaments, organs and muscles, yet I don't know too much about the interactions and the locations that apply.

I really enjoy being the object of hand work of the second years - Will, Kaz and Maria had a go so far. I realise more and more the pervasiveness of Alexander's approach. However, I noticed the similarity to Gurdjieff's, Feldenkrais and Crowley's constant reminder to introspection. The things I learn feed my desire for something new and useful, yet it grows with everything new.