Primary control

My turn with Jenny worked well, also there is only a slight difference in my perception of directing with primary control and without. I don't know whether I managed to maintain my idea of non-violent communication, I certainly want to improve my listening skills.

While waiting for the book group, Sharon helped me with contact juggling, with amazing results. Moving my left arm freely seemed virtually impossible, having it moved by Sharon felt incredibly 'wrong'. Wriggling along the wall helped losening my shoulder blades, but allowing my arm more movement feels still quite alien.

The second chapter of 'Use of the Self' picked up on faulty sensory appreciation, the process of improving use by replacing harmful habit by primary control, and of course psycho-physical unity.

In the second group I had another misunderstanding with Jenny. I wanted to tell Jim that I was planning to listen with my hands, and not actively directing. I started off with explaining that I'm not going to try to direct him into the chair, when Jenny stopped me cold, assuming limiting thinking on my side. I had a good chance to observe my emotional reaction, but my verbal reaction made Jenny move on quite immediately. I surely want to improve our verbal communication efficiency and mutual understanding, yet I still wonder whether it's appropriate to take the first step.

Wholeness

Cathy did a bit of quick-ease to start today's session, and then demonstrated her way to give an introduction, in this case directed towards IT workers. I really enjoyed watching her in action, as she definately walks her talk. She stressed the importance to relate to her audience, choosing examples that are easy to follow along. Also, she didn't use her hands until the participants started experimenting themselves.

Using a simple movement to demonstrate the difference between a deliberately distorted head-neck relationsship involves the participants, gives the teacher plenty of opportunity to observe pattern, and gives the participants the experience of choosing 'the easier way' themselves, without anything else but a change in thinking.

The getting involved part continued. Split up in groups we had the task to solve a puzzle, putting a spine together. Again, Cathy could observe our use while we did this, but we could enjoy 'playing' with essential knowledge, in this case the structure and curvature of the spine.

After the break I had the pleasure of improving my CJing with Cathy's help. I clearly remembered the observation about my immobile clavicles, and they still don't move too much. I learned CJ with some strong habits, as my shoulder girdle gets freeer I need to clarify my intent. It's a good chance to observe how much time I still waste with feeling/checking it out.

Her answer to Jim's question that reaffirmed the body-mind split stunned me: Whole. Pause. This part of the job seems really tricky, guiding a student's language and thinking towards wholeness, without disregarding their inquiries. A lot of my questions during the process of learning the work evaporated into meaninglessness with the trust in wholeness, yet this paradigm seems quite foreign to many.

Anatomy,

I discovered the connection between my shoulders and my knees during the turn with Ria. My attention slowly encompasses more and more of my body, yet I still need a lot of verbalized directions.

I did a bit of CJ, and happily joined a group during turn time working with David. I changed the way I put hands on, my arms move more freely and I tend less to fall into the body I'm touching.

Anatomy brought some surprising insights into group dynamics. We needed some time to agree what the task consisted of, yet got something together in the end. Rossi noticed my old pattern, although weaker than last year.

We described primary control, monkey and hands on the back of a chair in anatomical terms, revisiting our presentation the next week.

Feet

Today started in an unusual way, we find a presentation by a podiatrist. I wasn't too surprised that still a lot of people turned up late, including some teachers. Jason didn't know too much about AT, yet he unknowningly incorporated some of its ideas into his presentation. I liked his professional attitude, his presence and the way he integrated any feedback into his time in front of an unusual audience.

We did the turns afterwards, and I had another one with Matt. I challenged him by working on juggling, and he made me aware of my 'fixation' while standing and performing. I noticed myself how much I shortened myself in my shoulder during the 'warm-up' routine, and the pattern of locking my knees while standing is worth exploring some more.

I spend some time before we re-visited Jason's little check-up on feet and balance playing around with Ana. However, I still wonder why I have so much more problems to maintain my 'up' in school, while it gets easier in most other situations. Especially with unicycling I feel like making big advances when I had a go to cycle around the little oval in the neighborhood.

Rapid change

I dared to do more standing and walking during my turn with Penny, and noticed how much my pain avoidance has affected other parts of my body. On the positive side, this injury helps me experiencing the patterns arising from a 'single cause'.

Before we warmed our voices up with some singing, I played a lot with my CJ ball. I like singing in a group more than solo, yet it's getting better. With an internal smile and a distracting idea for the audience my voice gained more resonance, and I stayed in a good rhythm.

Playful

Duncan found me playing with the Cj ball, and we worked a bit on this during the turn. Most of the time, however, he used quite significant force the demonstrate some vital points where the weight travels through my body.

During the group work to play with legs on the table, and ribcages while sitting. The stimulus gets reduced with anything but the head, yet the sensitivity has to grow. Yoga felt mellow today, no fitness attack like in the last two weeks.

More CJ

Penny enjoyed having a turn while I tried balancing my CJ ball, and gave me great feedback how I can proceed. The day turned a bit less playful with some more explorations of voice production, although I encountered new areas of investigation.

The performance situation still poses the biggest obstacle to some decent singing performance. However, I start enjoying it much more than I thought possible, and until the end of the term something will emerge.

Genuine interest

I had a turn with Libby, playing again with my CJ ball. Libby seemed to like the idea a bit more than John, and she reminded me of the way I use my arms. Giving myself indefinite amount of time for learning works so far well - I don't know where I will progress to, so I can appreciate even tiny advances.

The C&C session turn our very interesting, especially the interactive part with Bo. We talked about our perception of our fellow students, with interesting insights.