Leading

I still work on understanding more of the emotional component of our work, yet not overly active. While working with Matt, I noticed a lot of release in areas far away from the point of contact, the idea of the possibility of communicating nervous systems makes the experience easier.

Matt stressed the importance of trust, and we played with directing each other through the room. Leaving the hand of the director felt a bit like unplugging, although the sense of the connection felt much more subtle. Jose could lead me easily and even tough i touched the gym ball I felt safe. I had difficulties leading Bo, he left my hand a lot and we could not very efficiently communicate.

Cal followed easily directions, even going backwards went like a charm. While I received directions, I could notice the space behind me, a thought that opens me up a lot. I just tried to stay aware of the space behind me while trying to unicycle, and it made a great difference. By ordering my activity I can focus my awareness to my intent, instead of letting the mind control the body. The mind keeps busy with the outside world, even more so as we cannot see to the back.

My temptation to go out to a larger space with the unicycle grows. Do I start to gain ends here? However, I get the idea that "ordering" means laying out an order of events, which then do their job in the background, as means to the intent of that activity.

Learning to unicycle provides plenty of opportunity for observing, inhibiting and directing. Currently I tend to internalise while ordering myself. The eyes, as part of the balance system, need awareness and focus, visual points of reference guide our bodies in motion. The less I think about the unicycle, the more I understand it.

Singing

The idea of singing on this performance day made me a bit apprehensive. Although I felt quite good and thought to have understood the idea of releasing into the teachers hands yesterday, I was relatively stiff when I had my turn with Jenny.

It took me until the performance session, which started around 12 to notice that a lot of today's holding came from this apprehension to perform in public, and although our group had only four members (Tristan, Jose, Rossi and me), I felt really nervous.

Jenny managed to free me up a lot before I even started. I directed myself as good as I could, but still in my breath overly in preparation for my performance. Like Jose, I pulled my head back and stiffened my legs, and now I still feel a bit sore on the outside of the top of the femur, where I pulled my legs together.

But after I got into singing, while Jenny worked with me, I could let go of the tension and surprised myself with the sounds that appeared. I wonder whether I should keep with Hans Albers for the performance, or rather choose another song. However, I learned much more by trying to sing than by reciting. It nails down to a pattern of nervousness due to standing in front of others and perform, another good bit to work on.

Now

I go the school early enough to have the first turn, but I haven't arrived as first one yet. Maria does her usually her semi supine when I arrive, and as both us had a turn with Vivien Mackay, I got the second turn this time. I liked watching her working, yet working with her really stunned me. Her hands fluidly sensed my back, and it felt most of the time more than stroking than directing, a very pleasant sensation. The amount of release we accomplished made me incredibly light, and the softness of her touch allowed me a lot of ease.

In the group work she told us about the power of the right moment, which occurs when student and teacher connect their intention and move as one. Maria worked with me, assisted by Jenny, who compared the right moment with catching a wave. And indeed, once you missed a wave, you have to start over again, and take the next one. As much as teacher can sense the student holding, I could feel Maria's apprehension sometimes during the group work. By synchronising intention, flow can happen. Once the right moment to move has come, this flows needs to continue, otherwise tensions on either side might interfere with the freedom of movement.

While having some biscuits and sparkly to celebrate Vivien's birthday I had a chance to talk some German again. Daniella's parents migrated to Australia shortly after her birth, and her German had an interesting mix of influences. The combination of an elating session with Vivien and some sparkly made me a bit tipsy, and I carried this cheerful mood into the performance. As I didn't dare as yet to sing, I enjoyed watching the way Vivien worked, and the change brought to Jose's singing.

Vivien's explanation that singing needs more not-doing than doing the right thing convinced me to give it go next time, singing the old Hans Albers "Auf der Reeeperbahn nachts um halb eins".

Foreign Students

Only foreign students come into the school on Fridays, and Robert, who misses some classes during the week because of work. After yesterdays busy day a small group of people worked together. I had my turn with Jenny with amazing results. The final spin gave me an elated feeling, which I could hardly keep in semi supine.

Rossi and I were willing bodies for the handwork of Cal, Bo, Jose and Robert, and we did a lot of monkeys. I started noticing more how the teachers and beginning teachers use their bodies. I tried applying monkeys to teeth brushing and dish washing, a valuable exercise as I need it heaps when working with others.

The work unveils layers of habits, blows them open and sometimes away. The total immersion yields noticeable progress, and this already after four days in a row. I remember the idea to soak in knowledge like a sponge. But body and mind soak in at the same time, and rigidity on either aspect of the self limit the potential.

Psycho-physical unity releases energies which still confuse me. I feel a continuity with the worryless careful attitude of the summer of 94. Weird.