Anatomy

I enjoyed another table turn today, this time with Ann. She managed to lengthen me a lot, and helped releasing heaps of tension build up by trying to prevent pain. She told me to let my body react to the pain, instead of bracing around it, and to my surprise I could walk quite nicely.

Bo gave me another table turn, and I realised that doing it quietly makes it more efficient. Either that, or directing before talking could work. We widened my back, before a double anatomy session kicked off.

Ann asked me to demonstrate my limping, yet I still managed to direct myself and could walk free of pain. I didn't want to mimic my morning state, but some people had seen me earlier anyway, so Ann showed how I isolated (and therefor disintegrated) the part in pain.

I still need to figure out where my diaphragm attached to the rips, I certainly have to change my idea of the location of my lungs. The breathing exercise in the deep monkey yielded no remarkable observation, but room for exploration.

Genuine interest

I had a turn with Libby, playing again with my CJ ball. Libby seemed to like the idea a bit more than John, and she reminded me of the way I use my arms. Giving myself indefinite amount of time for learning works so far well - I don't know where I will progress to, so I can appreciate even tiny advances.

The C&C session turn our very interesting, especially the interactive part with Bo. We talked about our perception of our fellow students, with interesting insights.

Long way

I tried to work a bit on CJ with John during my turn, but the extra stimulus has not really helped. John encouraged me though to work on this, and I certainly plan to. Bo did a bit of chair work with amazing results - he moved my shoulder through a release I could not even imagine before.

In Jenny's group we continued playing with our thinking in activity. The eyes show clearly when quantum zeno happens, keeping them lively prevents zoning out. I use a lot of extra activity when using my eyes. When I tried to start reading, I noticed heaps of muscles moving in the area around my eyes. Softening the eyes, and keeping them lively while working with a computer screen, and allows for a new attitude (and direction) while doing this.

The yoga session brought about some good stretches, and less corrections than usual. Progress happens, it just drives me a bit mad.

Shoulders

Turns with Jenny give me a lot of precise information. I still hold my ankles a lot, and found some new ways of releasing them. In the group session we played an inhibition game, pointing to the chair you want to sit, walk over and wait until the occupier choose the next target. It got really funny when we started adding extra rules. We ended the day with some hands-on exercises

The biggest surprise however came from Bo, who told me interesting stories just after school.

Group work

My turn with Duncan turned out a bit confrontational. I felt like reducing the amount of stimuli by doing table work, yet he went down a different road. I went into the typical twist - wanting to answer his questions (probably with tensed neck and shoulders), while having to life with him stopping me from doing so.

I feel pretty much drained at the end of my first term, though I look forward to the residential, without knowing how this total immersion will work out. Although I like the idea of "quickening the mind" (in FM's words), I fail to see this happening to a larger extend with my fellow students.

I had some lengthy conversation with Bo, trying to tie AT principles into the chat about the use of digital cameras. The communicative aspect of the work appears much easier at the moment to me than observation and hands-on, although it challenges me a lot (especially to keep my directions while doing so).

Libby's group work really made my day. We played with resistance, assistance and neutral while doing chair work. Even though I didn't manage to sense the level of connectedness with Jane and Jen, the I distinguished the quality of movement in the different modes. Especially availability feels very distinct from resistance and assistance.

Working with Gen and Cal felt easy, probably as they direct themselves already very good. I realised that thinking directions helps connecting, yet moving people involves an activity. I need to find the fine line between directing while moving and pushing. I enjoyed the partner work with Cal a lot - she gives very precise feedback, and directs herself very good, which makes it easy for me to stay in my body while working with her.

Ann had her group of year 2 students preparing some group work, which we tried with everyone. I couldn't resist to play devil's advocate, yet I realised that not everyone takes criticism as feedback. Kaz, having his doubts about AT at the moment, provided the most fun way to do group work, using the snap gard came to demonstrate the principle of inhibition.

Undoing oneself doesn't come easy, and the perception of one's identity, or ego, stands mostly in the way. On a mental level, the ego prevents most people from changing their habits of thinking, and working on this opens a difficult battlefield.

Group meeting

I like the challenges Jeremy gave me during the turn, as it creates more the impression of progress than doing chair work for the hundred first time. I still don't include my jaw always in the neck, time will help. We looked at Bo's cycling as group work, having the bike mounted on some clever gear.

The group meeting felt stranger than I expected. The difference in experience resulted in hardly any agreement among all of us, as note taker I had to refrain myself from dominating the round.

Leading

I still work on understanding more of the emotional component of our work, yet not overly active. While working with Matt, I noticed a lot of release in areas far away from the point of contact, the idea of the possibility of communicating nervous systems makes the experience easier.

Matt stressed the importance of trust, and we played with directing each other through the room. Leaving the hand of the director felt a bit like unplugging, although the sense of the connection felt much more subtle. Jose could lead me easily and even tough i touched the gym ball I felt safe. I had difficulties leading Bo, he left my hand a lot and we could not very efficiently communicate.

Cal followed easily directions, even going backwards went like a charm. While I received directions, I could notice the space behind me, a thought that opens me up a lot. I just tried to stay aware of the space behind me while trying to unicycle, and it made a great difference. By ordering my activity I can focus my awareness to my intent, instead of letting the mind control the body. The mind keeps busy with the outside world, even more so as we cannot see to the back.

My temptation to go out to a larger space with the unicycle grows. Do I start to gain ends here? However, I get the idea that "ordering" means laying out an order of events, which then do their job in the background, as means to the intent of that activity.

Learning to unicycle provides plenty of opportunity for observing, inhibiting and directing. Currently I tend to internalise while ordering myself. The eyes, as part of the balance system, need awareness and focus, visual points of reference guide our bodies in motion. The less I think about the unicycle, the more I understand it.

Old pattern

During my turn with Jenny we worked on the activities sitting and standing. I still do some (useless) things to satisfy my concept of standing, instead of keeping my directions in activity. This reminds me of Duncan's comment about difficult (or hard) things while talked about the limits of attention. We have to deal with a high level of stimuli. Each stimulus potentially triggers a response, yet not like behaviourists assume, a definite and predictable one, more like an avalanche.

We notice the result of the avalanche as holding pattern, we might not know the path it took or which other avalanches might have triggered this one. Undoing one part of wrong doing often fits into a larger pattern of the same misconception, and some parts might resist undoing longer than other. Like with any other field of interest, more time spend in observation enables appreciation and awareness of detail.

The separation and mind and body, Descartes error, exists only as meme. Learning how efficiently the nervous systems uses the body helps undoing useless modes of thinking. The experience of mind-body unity and of the connection of two nervous systems challenges quite some scientific believes.

Introspection opens the gate to consciousness. Consciousness can then connect and communicate. So much for the idea, as I did not connect too well today. My emotional system sends irritating signals, the next system that needs further introspection and understanding.

Group work consisted of further observation of saying ah while lying done. Different breathing and holding pattern emerged. The performance showed an interesting dynamic. Obviously, not only me feels uncomfortable with the idea to sing in front of the others. I have to find out whether stating the obvious helped or harmed.

Yoga and Pilates

The third week started, and no repetition happened so far. I had my turn with Lailani, and learned about the subtle movement of the legs while sitting down and getting up. We delved deeper into this exploration at the group work, which offered plenty food for thought.

Maria had a short go to work with me, but I wasn't used as much as exploration object as I wanted to. However, after most 2nd and 3rd years had their go on Bo, our largest guy, David asked me to follow him sitting down. Although my fingers aren't too sensitive yet, I enjoyed the challenge to keep myself coordinated while having hands on.

Using my hands to direct others is a real challenge, as the teacher has to be more coordinated than the student. Without sufficient release I lack the sensibility to know what's happening with a potential student. I'm encountering now the difficulty to apply heaps of directions simulantenously, directing myself still takes some effort.

We started the Pilates session after school, with an assessment of strength and range of mobility. Initially I was happy to have the best scores, I grew even more happy when I found out about some of my weaknesses. I'm looking forward to the next sessions.

Swimming

I can't really say that the course so far fosters building of new habits in regards to a school day. Although everything we did relates to the work, each day held new surprises, which helps to keep the mind flexible and open.

We went to Penny McDonald's place to do some swimming. Or rather not doing swimming. Penny worked with me while I floated in the pool, which allowed very precise sensation of the hip joint. My neck felt a bit stiff during the turn, however, being in the water allows a different form of information gathering.

Bo displayed an amazing mobility in the water, his head moved with ease while his body followed snake like the directions of Will and Penny.

I really enjoyed gliding effortless through the water, and my relation to water and swimming relaxed a lot. Experimenting with new and familiar activities turns into pleasurable data collection sessions, so I'm looking forward to the pilates session next week.

Literature

Today I worked a lot with Libby (or she with me :), and just a little bit with the freshies. Bo borrowed me his anatomy book, so I can do my homework for next week, until I got my own copy. Libby helped me discovering mobility in my tailbone, something I never thought of before.

I enjoyed discussing the readings, and as group work we played with the position of position of mechanical advantage. From a coordinated position sitting on the back of the chair Libby put a book between my back and the back of the chair. I wasn't really leaning on it, just touching it with the shoulder blades.

Although I expected to see Duncan at some point, it felt a bit different than the private lessons. Yet it allows me to see him working, and observing teachers has some great value.

Foreign Students

Only foreign students come into the school on Fridays, and Robert, who misses some classes during the week because of work. After yesterdays busy day a small group of people worked together. I had my turn with Jenny with amazing results. The final spin gave me an elated feeling, which I could hardly keep in semi supine.

Rossi and I were willing bodies for the handwork of Cal, Bo, Jose and Robert, and we did a lot of monkeys. I started noticing more how the teachers and beginning teachers use their bodies. I tried applying monkeys to teeth brushing and dish washing, a valuable exercise as I need it heaps when working with others.

The work unveils layers of habits, blows them open and sometimes away. The total immersion yields noticeable progress, and this already after four days in a row. I remember the idea to soak in knowledge like a sponge. But body and mind soak in at the same time, and rigidity on either aspect of the self limit the potential.

Psycho-physical unity releases energies which still confuse me. I feel a continuity with the worryless careful attitude of the summer of 94. Weird.